Attention all males: a nifty guide on how to score with the ladies

Januarie 26, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

Got this via e-mail, but if I was a man, I would make this my screensaver. It not only explains how to make a woman eat out of your hand, but gives a host of other VURA (Very Useful Relationship Advice). Already married? On the brink of a divorce? Ready to throttle her (NOT advisable, there are laws against that!) this guide can save you a hell of a lot of money on marital counselling. So, don’t say you never get any good advice for free.

Basically, what we’re working here, is your basic point system. In other words, when I say score, I mean score. As in add up your points. (You thought what??)

The Female Demerit System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and
points are subtracted.
You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s
the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It’s her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school
friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it’s a sports bar (-2)
And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It’s called ‘Death Cop’ (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
Any other response  (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

16 antwoorde op Attention all males: a nifty guide on how to score with the ladies

  1. optout het gesê op Januarie 26, 2010

    LOL – poor men, they just can’t win, can they?

  2. Nope, they can’t win. Is there any other point in the exercise? *smile*

  3. Net ‘n plesier, Sophia! Dankie vir die visit!

  4. So true! 🙂

  5. lol! Think hubby would appreciate this

  6. Oi. Reading that out loud. DO you think it is fair? What do women do for us guys? If we should start giving points….

  7. Thanks for clearing that up – Finally some idea of how a woman’s mind works!
    (or not) *That’s me running down the road!!*

    Have an awesome day!!

  8. Dazed, this is very tongue-in-cheek, but one thing is true: we don’t get men, and men don’t get us. And that’s why we like each other so much. Almost like we liked playing with Rubik’s cube, remember? Everybody had one, few (only those with IQ’s of 176 or more, I guess) could solve it. Hava nice day!!

  9. Eddie, you coward, come back here. NOW!

  10. You called, Tannemys?

  11. I know, but someone has to yank your chain… 🙂

  12. *sighs heavily* if only men would stopping yanking chains…Buy gifts!!! 🙂

  13. Nee demmit, ons kan maar nie wen nie.
    Wonder soms hoekom ons enigsins wil probeer ?

  14. Yeah yeah. And I suppose the only gifts that would do, would be diamonds? LOL

  15. Hmmm, diamonds are nice, but not the only things that make a girl’s heart beat faster. (Ek’s ‘n cheap date – gee sommer vir my ‘n boek. En betaal iemand om my werk te doen terwyl ek dit lees.)

  16. Hey Adoons, welkom terug!!

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