Some hilarious science howlers, supposedly exam answers

Januarie 18, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

Got this in an old newspaper cutting of Stoep Talk by James Clarke from about 17 years ago. My comments in italics.

Equator: a menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. (I suppose a capricorn is then a menagerie springbok  running round the sea in the Kalahari through Loftus. Makes equal sense)

Magnet: something you find crawling over a dead cat. (And you have maggots holding notices on your fridge door.)

 

Momentum: what you give a person when they are going away. (Would love to give some people I know momentum. Sommer plenty of it…)

Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot

Vacuum: a large, empty space where the Pope lives (SA-version: a large, empty space in a certain youth leader’s skull)

 

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin, and Hydrogin is gin and water.

(Danger!) When you smell an odourless gas, it’s probably carbon monoxide.

To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. (Would I get the same results if I use my ex-husband? One would even get gin fumes, so then I can make my own Hydrogin.)

 

H²O  is hot water and CO² is cold water.

The pistol of the flower is it’s only protection against insects.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative. (In other words, is the blood BEE-compliant, or rightwing?)

 

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. (Then you can use a toothpick.)

 

Blood flows down one leg and up the other. (Explaining why some people are so stupid. It never reaches the brain.)

 

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to. (The entire purpose of all of this is something you can drape with the clothes you don’t have in your cupboard.)

 

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

Germinate: to become a naturalised German.

Planet: a body of earth surrounded by sky.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forgot where the sun joins in the fight. (And I never knew to start with…)

 

 

 

3 antwoorde op Some hilarious science howlers, supposedly exam answers

  1. ROFLMAO!!

  2. Well now, some people!
    Actually worries me.

    Love your comments!

  3. optout het gesê op Januarie 19, 2010

    LOL If that was 17 years ago I’d hate to see what students, sorry Learners, are capable of now!

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