Seeing death creeping closer and closer

Oktober 23, 2009 in Sonder kategorie

My dad doesn’t look good. The hospice nurse was here today. Ironically it’s my mom’s birthday today – or it would have been. 75 candles – she never made it.

I didn’t tell him that it’s October 23d. He doesn’t even know his own name at times, so why upset him with this? But I think he must sense something. She always loved her birthday, with all the St. Joseph-lillies and roses.

Last night I could see things were turning. His chest sounds congested, but he doesn’t have flu. He really struggles to walk, even with help, for the last few weeks. Three weeks ago he started seriously choking on things, even fluids. Last week he choked so badly that he vomitted. Today it happened again, just as the hospice nurse came to see him.

This morning he lost his balance completely, even with the nursing aide holding on to him. He also all of a sudden lost complete control of his bladder (although he is on nappies for the last year, it was more a matter of saving him embarrasment about leaks). Sometimes he asks me what food is on his plate…

The choking, I suspected, is the Parkinsons. But I didn’t know that it also affects the lungs. Pleghm builds up because the lungs don’t function properly.

I can see he is sad, but being a man from the silent generation, it’s impossible for him to talk about this. Last night he did, however, shed two tears (literally) when I asked him what was wrong.

This is too terrible for words. Seeing the man that was your hero withering away like this. I hope he doesn’t have to suffer a lot.

Now I must go and get a special Buscopan for lungs. Apparently it does the same for the lungs than what it would do for the stomach. Hopefully we can get him to breathe easier.

The hospice will have a meeting next week with the doctor to see if he should be admitted. The hospice nurse, a kind lady in her 60’s, said to me she will start councelling him next week about death, as even the most religious of people are still afraid of dying. 

My wish for you, Dad, is to go gently, quietly… You were such a decent, God-loving human being. You taught us so well, about life, the value of faith, having principles, working hard, respecting people. You worked so hard for the four of us, to provide us with an excellent education. And yes, although you never said it, I know you were always proud of us. And that you always loved us unconditionally.

Dankie Pappa. May God hold you in His arms all the way to heaven. 

7 antwoorde op Seeing death creeping closer and closer

  1. Thinking of you at this time.
    Hugs

  2. From me same as the other two comments.

  3. light and love to you and your father in this time

  4. Thanks guys! Much appreciated!

  5. Strength to you in this trying time. It is sad to see how life can take one’s dignity away and it is then that we must live that dignity for the victim. You seem to handle it well. Thanks for sharing with us.

  6. Sterkte hoor.

  7. Moonz het gesê op Oktober 24, 2009

    I’m heartbroken for you. My thoughts and love and wishes for a comfortable time for your dad. *HUGS*

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