DEATH BY CARBS: The best who-donut of 2015

December 18, 2015 in Uncategorized

Tim Noakes, about to be murdered, holds up the evidence; with Paige Nick

Tim Noakes, about to be murdered, holds up the evidence; with Paige Nick

Yes, Paige Nick’s laugh-a-minute novel Death by carbs is not a whodunit, it is a who-donut with more twists and turns than a koeksister.

The cover bears a striking resemblance with Noake's book

The cover bears a striking resemblance with Noakes’ book

It obviously is a spoof, and it is a blinking good one at that.


The first twist

The plot is simple: Detective Bennie September gets called out to a murder scene at the house of Tim Noakes, the man who was driving people nuts with his low-carb, high-fat diet.

The good detective arrives just as the gurney with the bloodied body is taken away by two rather inexperienced paramedics and he starts questioning the witnesses.

On their way to the morgue the ambulance gets hijacked with the luckless body of the dead Prof Tim Noakes in the back.

September tries to keep the saga from the media, but within seconds the first blurry pictures of Noakes’ body is all over the internet.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is merely the first twist of the koeksister.

Ex-Police woman (s'true!) Liesl Jobson, now BooksLive, snaps the Prof and Graham Thurtel, red-heanded

Ex-Police woman (s’true!) Liesl Jobson, snaps the Prof and Graham Thurtel, red-handed


The second twist

Bennie September begins hunting down the suspects. Paige Nick feeds the reader a lot of info to keep us turning and turning the pages.

Pretty soon we have our own list of suspects:

  • the widow, with her bloodied knobkierie, who finds it easier to sell “Tim Noakes-ENDORSED Meal Plans” now that he is dead;
  • Bennie September who admits that he too wanted to kill the prof ever since his wife has tried stop him from eating donuts;
  • the Ex-Publisher who was stupid enough to turn down Tim Noakes’ Real Meal Revolution and who has consequently been fired;
  • the CEO of SnackCorp who is secretly Banting while he sells carbs to the people – and losing market share everyday because of Noakes;
  • and the co-authors who were struggling for some limelight while Noakes was alive; someone now has to become the new face of Banting, not so?

And that, Ladies and Gentleman, is merely the second twist of the koeksister.

While this is going on, the body of the dead man is being taken on a number of rides, as nobody wants to be seen with the best-known dead person in Cape Town…

Death by carbs is hilarious. Totally hilarious.

Paige Nick manages to encapsulate two things:

  • the cultish way in which people are pro- or anti-Banting;
  • and the South African society, from the township shebeen through to the mighty office of the CEO.

Even my wife, who never reads suspense novels, loved this one and laughed all the way to the end.

Get it. It is cheap. I only paid R150 for it at the Book Lounge, little enough to buy cauliflower on the way back home.


The launch

I was fortunate to attend the book launch on 10 December at the Book Lounge.

Smile, Prof!

Smile, Prof!

Tim Noakes himself was there, brave if one considers he gets clobbered on page 1.

The Cast, take 1

The Cast, take 1

The launch was hilarious, with Mervyn Sloman on sit-down comedy and both Paige Nick and Tim Noakes taking the Mickey out of themselves and each other.

The cast, take 2

The Cast, take 2

The Book Lounge enhanced the evening by splitting the eats on the table in two:

Death by Carbs

Death by Carbs

  • a Death-by-carbs menu;
  • and a Carbs-are-Death menu.
Carbs are death

Carbs are death

Leopard’s Leap kindly donated some wine.

Leopard's Leap, the book-lover's friend

Leopard’s Leap, the book-lover’s friend



Death by carbs is brilliant. Paige Nick risked a lot, since this book was self published with the help of BookStorm. She did not want to wait till next year, as the book is a take on the present.

I agree. I can honestly say: Be Ye A Banter or Be Ye A Non-Banter, this book will have you in stitches. Buy it before the spoilers arrive.



Yes, there is a PS: The Book’s original title was Who killed Tim Noakes. Nick sent it to the prof and asked permission to publish it. Both Noakes and his wife then read the book, and immediately approved of its publication, but since there were (maybe still are) so many people hating Noakes for his diet, his wife was scared that the title might cause a few people to get ideas… The new title is brilliant, but you have to read the book to understand why there are so many hidden meanings behind the title.

Noakes recently tweeted something like: “Is this the first recorded death by Banting?”

It is not the first time Tim Noakes allowed himself to be sent up.

suzelle en tim noakes

If you have not yet seen what Suzelle DIY does to the good prof with a koeksister, take a look at this video, but keep looking to the end. Marianne manages to get a koeksister into places most other people would not dream of (or perhaps, many of them do, but they dare not!). It is hilarious.

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