Kaspaas

Ek het baie dekades van missioinary position agter die blad. Dit is een van die redes waarom ek deesdae internet porn leersaam vind.

As ek so na die professioneles kyk, besef ek dat ek maar n kak lover was. Sowat van stamina en posisies !Die vibrators en dildos!

Die genotkreune! Die massiewe piele wat gesuig word! Die masjiene ? Die vroulike masturbeerders ! Die verskeidendheid vibrators !

Voorwaar n openbaring.

Ek weet 99% is fake. Ek sien hoe die swakker akteurs bewus is van die kameramanne. Ja, ga !Die mooi vroue wat maak asof hulle graag mondevol kom sluk. (En hoe onnerdruk hulle die braakrefleks met die 20 cm piele verby die kleintongetjie ?)

Die gemak met naaktheid is n pluspunt.

Ek vermoed die gemiddelde intelligente 20 jarige is uitgekuier met porn en veel beter ingelig as my generasie .

Intussen is ek soos die boer wat op die stoep sit en lat ploeg. Ek wonder hoeveel van ons oues sit lekker rustig en lat die professioneles naai. (Die trailer trash met hulle webcamtjies is ga.)

How to commit suicide…slowly!!!

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian takes one look at him and says “ Voetsek wena, who’s gonna bring it back?”

Die skoolinspekteur besoek die klas en word deur die onderwyseres voorgestel alvorens hy ‘n paar vrae sou vra.

Die inspekteur val weg met ‘n Bybelvraag: “Wie het die mure van Jericho laat val?”

Doodse stilte. Niemand waag dit om iets te sê nie.

Naderhand steek een seuntjie bewerig sy hand op, agter in die klas.

Die onderwyseres is verlig! “Ja, Jannie, wie was dit?”

Jannie: “Ek weet nie juffrou, maar dit was nie ekke nie.”

Die inspekteur kyk vraend na die onderwyseres vir ‘n verduideliking.

“Wel, meneer, ek ken Jannie en sy hele familie. Betroubare mense. As hy sê dis nie hy nie, kan jy hom maar glo!” sê die onderwyseres.

Die inspekteur is geskok oor die vlak van onkunde, storm die skoolhoof se kantoor binne en vertel hom wat gebeur het.

Die skoolhoof bevestig wat die onderwyseres oor Jannie gesê het en voeg by: “ek sosialiseer soms met die onderwyseres en ek is oortuig dat sy die waarheid gepraat het. As sy sê Jannie was nie betrokke nie, dan was hy nie betrokke nie!”

Die inspekteur kan nie glo wat hy hoor nie. Ontsteld gryp hy die telefoon en skakel die Minister van Onderwys en verduidelik die hele episode aan hom.

Die Minister sug swaar en sê: “Eish man, you know I’m very busy, I don’t know the boy, the teacher or the principal, just get three quotes and have the wall fixed by my brother.”

BEWARE OF PENSIONERS

Banned from TESCO’s

Didn’t like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local TESCO’s

store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was

in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have

little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was

starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,

because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 2 stone before I

woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices

and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that

it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat

one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to

mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with

my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog

food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an

Irish Setter’s arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard. I’m now banned from TESCO’s. Better watch what you

ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of

daft things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends…… it will be

their laugh for the day.

http://www.timeslive.co.za/opinion/columnists/2012/03/08/government-entrusted-with-job-of-making-things-work

 Lees gerus hoe Brendan Boyle rustig vetel hoe Zuma sy sokkies kan optrek. Wat dink Hennie van Deventer van Boyle se

redaksionele opinie uit die backwater van Oos London. As julle sukkel met die link, google net Brendan Boyle en click dan

op sy jongste artikel vir Times Live.