Jy blaai in die argief vir 2010 Mei.

Only in South Africa…

Mei 21, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

Does the nanny who let almost-murderers into her employer’s house, get to go to the CCMA about unfair dismissal. I’m of course referring to baby Marzahn Kruger’s nanny, who was dismissed last week by Marzahn’s parents, who (quite rightly, mefinks) said they don’t trust her with their child anymore.

Add to this that Marzahn was only sent home yesterday after weeks in hospital (so, technically there wasn’t a job for the nanny, as the Sandton Clinic has been her home for almost a month now). The proverbial cherry on the top of this sad story is that Marzahn was left blind after fighting for her life for weeks.

Apparently Sekhu has a good chance to win the CCMA-proceedings.

What did the bloody nanny expect? A bonus?

Let’s say she was a bank manager, and she opened the door of the vault for three “friends”, and they robbed the bank blind. Do you think the bank would have been guilty of unfair dismissal if they fired her because they don’t trust her with their money anymore? How much more when it is a child’s life at stake?

Two more things gone wrong

Mei 21, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

Felt MUCH better after my little vent last night. Went to bed with two heated bean bag-thingies for my back. (You heat them in the microwave).

At 22h00 I get an SMS from the mother of the sick 20 year old. We’ve arranged for a nursing aid (one of the one’s who looked after my dad) to go and sit next to Danita’s bed to alert nurses when she needs help. She must pose as friend of the family or the family’s long-time domestic worker, otherwise the nurses won’t allow it (the doctor’s unofficial advice). The mom and dad took the night shift last night, and decided at some stage early evening to quickly go home (as quickly as you can get home from Joburg Gen in Hillbrow to Sunward Park in Benoni) to have a shower and get some warm things for the night ahead. When they got to the hospital, the nurses WON’T ALLOW THEM BACK INTO THEIR DAUGHTER’S ROOM!!!! NOBODY allowed to sit with this critically ill girl, despite the specialist’s permission.

So, had to send frantic SMS’s to the nursing aide so that she doesn’t have to travel to the hospital early this morning for nothing. (Poor signal where she lives – another one of the joys of this flippen country. Also fast deteriorating signal where I live. Vodacom says their towers are overloaded and the situation will worsen before it gets better.)

Read yesterday’s paper before going to bed. BIG mistake. Murder, mayhem, more murder and a little bit of inefficiency and corruption thrown in for good measure. What a bedtime story!

Felt better this morning. Took kids to school, blablabla, and wanted to heat up my beanthingies when I got back so that my back doesn’t go straight back into spasms after yesterday’s very thorough un-knotting done by my friend Jackie.

Guess what?! THE FLIPPEN MICROWAVE RETIRED SOMETIME BETWEEN LAST NIGHT AND THIS MORNING!

Not in a good mood – this is a vent (read at own peril)

Mei 20, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

For the following reasons:

1) Having to prove over and over to the ex-husband’s landlord that the payment of two month’s deposit was indeed done three years ago (straight after our divorce with two of my cheques for admin reasons). The fight started last night, and this morning at 06h10 I received the first SMS. Provided proof in the form of dates, amounts and cheque numbers. STILL got snotty answers denying existence of deposits, as if they would have allowed them to live there for three years if he didn’t pay them every cent. They’re the type who held MONTHLY inspections, double billed for electricity consumption blaming it on an “administrative problem” if you picked it up. Had to provide copies of cheques and bank statements. Funny: from their side NO copy of contract ever and no receipts, ever!

2) Visited a friend very ill from cancer in five organs. She’s very ill, in pain, looks like she can’t weigh more than 45kg. Extremely depressing.

3) Made an appointment with school’s headmaster. The youngest one’s teacher is doing her son’s projects during time she is supposed to be teaching our kids. Her child gets brilliant marks for his projects whilst rest of grade isn’t even allowed to bring their projects home for ANY kind of help. This has happened a few times this year, and I, who normally don’t interfere and moan about things at school, just lost the plot over this one. My two have to do every single thing for themselves, but her boy gets things done for him. And yes, yes, I know he will suffer when he hits the real world and mommy can’t do things for him, but how do I keep my children motivated NOW? They see wrongs being done and people keep quiet because of his mother’s position.

4) My electricy got cut off after a two year fight with the Ekurhuleni Metro about their %$#@! biling system. Haven’t seen a meter reader for three months, got last winter’s reading taken in December only ( I paid the interims, being under the impression this is THE account) and ended up with a R5 000 account as a Christmas present. Made arrangements to pay it off, got cut off. Etc. Rates and taxes also a mess after buying the house from the ex.  It took the Metro EIGHTEEN MONTHS to make the change on their books, and R4 000 of clearance certificate funds mysteriously dissappeared. My house address changed mysteriously on my account to a street that isn’t even in this area. Now they can’t fix that. (I’ve lived here for eight years, the change on the system took place last year and can’t be rectified ever since.) I have been talking to the heads of departments since December, and even have a paper trail to prove it (e-mails).

This bloody country and it’s bloody affirmative action and incompetent bureaucrats! Get this: ONLY whites in the reconnection cues today. Coincidence? I don’t think so. My friend has a wood recycling business. He broke his back inventing a safe eco-friendly warming systems for his workers in the townships consisting of compressed wood chips and a pipe and something else (properly researched and tested).

 What do they tell him? No thanks, we get free electricity straight from the cable. I’m SERIOUSLY pissed off tonight. I had to pay R4 600 today to have electricity tonight. And, as single mothers don’t normally have that kind of money under their beds, I had to borrow it from my brother. I HATE that!

5) There’s a seriously sick girl that was supposed to go into rehab this week after 53 days in Joburg Gen (she has lupus). I found a kind donor last week who wrote a cheque for rehab for R50 000. That will buy us two weeks. She was supposed to go into rehab this week. On Tuesday she had 5 epileptic fits, and yesterday a stroke. She’s 20 years old. She’s blind as a result of the stroke, and in a semi-coma. This afternoon she was moved out of ICU, as they needed her bed. She’s now lying in a normal ward. In a state hospital. Somehow the parents ended up relying on me to help sort this out. She is on medical aid – a very well know one – but they don’t want to pay for private hospitals because of her condition (lupus), so insisted she goes into a state hospital. Brilliant specialist, understaffed hospital and less than excellent nursing conditions. The same hospital where 6 babies died the day before yesterday.

Sorry for all the sensitive souls reading this, but mefinks this country is going to the dogs. We have to impress overseas soccer visitors, but our children are dying and our metro’s are falling apart in every single sector. But hey, it’s Ayoba, isn’t it! “Feel it, it is here!” (The writing on the wall, that is.)

The shoulder that I injured in the accident two years ago is a weak spot in my body. As soon as I’m stressed up, the muscles around my shoulder blade goes into a spasm. I’ve been in great discomfort since Wednesday as a result of spasms, and of course today added to my stress-levels. So, I’m off to bed. Thanks for reading my venting.

Humpday funny

Mei 19, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

As it is downhill to the weekend after Wednesday, today is called humpday. And you thought what???

Here’s the funny: An archeological team, digging in Washington DC recently uncovered 10 000 year old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first politician. Here’s a pic.

Funny random note to myself found on my phone

Mei 19, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

As a writer by profession, I always collect quotes and make mental notes to remember this and that when reading something somewhere. Then I decided I’ll use my cellphone’s memo function. After all, a cellphone is supposed to be something more than a paperweight or a message machine, isn’t it?

My good intention lasted exactly one day. Now I still find scriblings here and there on pieces of paper. (But one of my annoying habits. The other – very irritating one – is that I write the contact details of Very Famous People all over the show. My diary, my notebook (of which I have a whole collection after 13 years in the industry), the back of an envelope. So, in case you wondered, I can’t just whip out my Little Black Book and supply you with the number for, say, Tony Leon (I lost his business card after our interview) or any of the local soapie stars. Because I don’t know where I wrote it down!!

So, yesterday I found this memo to myself on my phone (the only one). It obviously comes from a book, but which one?

“”You won’t get a hooker called Maude. It’s like riding a bike over train tracks. You’ll get where you’re going, but you’ll feel every bump.”

Outa here! Got to go and interview some people so that I can lose their numbers straightaway!

Funny random note to myself found on my phone

Mei 19, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

As a writer by profession, I always collect quotes and make mental notes to remember this and that when reading something somewhere. Then I decided I’ll use my cellphone’s memo function. After all, a cellphone is supposed to be something more than a paperweight or a message machine, isn’t it?

My good intention lasted exactly one day. Now I still find scriblings here and there on pieces of paper. (But one of my annoying habits. The other – very irritating one – is that I write the contact details of Very Famous People all over the show. My diary, my notebook (of which I have a whole collection after 13 years in the industry), the back of an envelope. So, in case you wondered, I can’t just whip out my Little Black Book and supply you with the number for, say, Tony Leon (I lost his business card after our interview) or any of the local soapie stars. Because I don’t know where I wrote it down!!

So, yesterday I found this memo to myself on my phone (the only one). It obviously comes from a book, but which one?

“”You won’t get a hooker called Maude. It’s like riding a bike over train tracks. You’ll get where you’re going, but you’ll feel every bump.”

Outa here! Got to go and interview some people so that I can lose their numbers straightaway!

Afrikaanse grappie

Mei 18, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

Soos julle kan sien, is ek ledig vandag. Ek het BAIE werk, net nie lus om dit te doen nie. Nou lees ek my pelle se e-posse en kom op hierdie een af.

Die ou is in Weskoppies omdat hy ‘n obsessie het oor ketties. Na 6 maande besluit hulle om hom te herevalueer en vra “wat sal jy doen as jy ‘n miljoen rand wen?

“Ek sal vir my ‘n plaashuis vol ketties koop” sê hy.
“Nee, jy’s mal, gooi hom terug in sy padded sel” laat die sielkundiges weet.

6 Maande later evalueer hulle hom weer. “Wat sal jy doen as jy ‘n miljoen rand wen ?” is die vraag weer ” Ek sal dit belê” sê hy.

“Mooi, ek dink jy kom reg, in wat sal jy dit belê ?” vra hulle.

“In bosbou en Goodyear sodat ek baie hout en rubber kan kry sodat ek baie ketties kan maak !”

“Terug in sy sel!” antwoord die sielkundiges.

Weer sulke tyd 6 maande later en weer is die vraag, “wat sal jy maak as jy ‘n miljoen wen ?”, na hy so ‘n tydjie diep dink, sê hy :

“Ek sal vir my ‘n Porsche koop”
“En dan ?”
“Dan sal ek rondry en vir my ‘n hot girl optel”
“Jis, jis en dan ?”
“Dan sal ek haar wine en dine”
“Nee, lyk vir my jy’s gesond, maar vertel verder wat jy beplan?”
“Dan sal ek haar huis toe vat en bietjie begin vry”
“Ja, en dan ?”
“Dan sal ek haar pantie uittrek”
“Ja, ja en dan ?”
“Dan sal ek die rek uit die pantie haal en vir my ‘n “FLIPPEN” kettie maak!

Afrikaanse grappie

Mei 18, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

Soos julle kan sien, is ek ledig vandag. Ek het BAIE werk, net nie lus om dit te doen nie. Nou lees ek my pelle se e-posse en kom op hierdie een af.

Die ou is in Weskoppies omdat hy ‘n obsessie het oor ketties. Na 6 maande besluit hulle om hom te herevalueer en vra “wat sal jy doen as jy ‘n miljoen rand wen?

“Ek sal vir my ‘n plaashuis vol ketties koop” sê hy.
“Nee, jy’s mal, gooi hom terug in sy padded sel” laat die sielkundiges weet.

6 Maande later evalueer hulle hom weer. “Wat sal jy doen as jy ‘n miljoen rand wen ?” is die vraag weer ” Ek sal dit belê” sê hy.

“Mooi, ek dink jy kom reg, in wat sal jy dit belê ?” vra hulle.

“In bosbou en Goodyear sodat ek baie hout en rubber kan kry sodat ek baie ketties kan maak !”

“Terug in sy sel!” antwoord die sielkundiges.

Weer sulke tyd 6 maande later en weer is die vraag, “wat sal jy maak as jy ‘n miljoen wen ?”, na hy so ‘n tydjie diep dink, sê hy :

“Ek sal vir my ‘n Porsche koop”
“En dan ?”
“Dan sal ek rondry en vir my ‘n hot girl optel”
“Jis, jis en dan ?”
“Dan sal ek haar wine en dine”
“Nee, lyk vir my jy’s gesond, maar vertel verder wat jy beplan?”
“Dan sal ek haar huis toe vat en bietjie begin vry”
“Ja, en dan ?”
“Dan sal ek haar pantie uittrek”
“Ja, ja en dan ?”
“Dan sal ek die rek uit die pantie haal en vir my ‘n “FLIPPEN” kettie maak!

Excellent sales pitch (funny)

Mei 18, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

Look at the dog in the picture. One scary dog. Not the type that would go by the name of Sweety or Fluffy, I’d say! But he certainly has one helluva creative owner. Who wouldn’t want to buy Sweetie/Fluffy/Tootsie/Jethro after reading her ad? Here it is:

Dog For Sale

Free to good home. Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat. Most of them knew Jethro only by his Oriental street name, Ho Lee Schitt.

Bestest best cartoon of Malema and Zuma

Mei 17, 2010 in Sonder kategorie

By Fred Mouton, one of the best Afrikaans cartoonists. It appeared in Die Burger last week after Malema’s “disciplinary hearing”.